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Top 10 'famous last words' by Bin Laden

10. "Say Omar, is that a vulture in the sky or is that a B-2?"

9. "Okay men we have spotted some navy seals just over the ridge, let's show them how arabs fight."

8. "It is perfectly safe to hid here in these caves with the missiles, ammo, and petrol. The Americans have nothing that can penetrate this cave."

7. "Omar, I am tired of hiding in this cave, I will just stick my head out for a minute to see if the coast is clear."

6. "Simple Rasheed, I will simply bribe the American devils with my money and they will not kill us."

5. "Americans are soft, if we surrender, they must send us to America for a trial."

4. "It was nice of the Americans to drop food to us. I wonder why we have these t-shirts with the target on them."

3. "Hey American pig, I double dare you to drop that nuke."

2. "I will go and check and see what that wop wop wop noise is outside."

and the number one famous last words:

1. "What do you mean Omar by saying I have a red laser dot on my forehead?"

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Top 10 books in Kabul this week

10. Mars in a Separate Room, Venus in Chains

9. L. Ron Hubbards Guide to Using Religion to Create Mindless Followers

8. The Fatwah'd Gourmet's Cooking With Rocks

7. Chicken Soup for the Radical Fundamentalist Terrorist's Soul

6. Harry Potter and the Fatwah on Himself

5. Time Life's Do it Yourself Jihads

4. Mullah Omar's Banned Book of the Month (unavailable)

3. Suicide Bombers Tell Their Side of the Story

2. Anthrax for Dummies

and the number one book in Kabul this week:

1. Jane's Guide to Weapons of the US Air Force

Top 10 Magazine sales in Afganistan

10. Battered Homes and Gardens

9. Martha Stewart's Bomb Shelter Living

8. Veiled Fashion

7. Sports Illustrated Burqa Issue

6. Bare Elbows

5. Outweek's Guide to Gay Kandahar

4. Camel and Rider

3. Illiterate's Digest

2. The Watchtower

and the number one magazine in Afganistan is:

1. Seventeen

Top 10 Songs of the Taliban

10. Little Old Lady from Mazur Sharif

9. You Can Leave Your Veil On

8. Fatwah'd in the USA

7. Nowhere to Run, Nowhere to Hide

6. Rescue Me

5. Taliban Killed the Radio Star

4. Girls Just Want to Stay Home

3. Un-Veiled Girl

2. Cruise Missile Rhapsody

and the number one song of the Taliban is:

1. Somewhere Over the Khyber

Top Reasons the Al-Qaeda Terrorists Will Commit Suicide

10. mistakenly eating with your left hand

9. rags for clothes and hats

8. no organized sports of any kind

7. fucking sand everywhere

6. ever fish at an oasis?

5. no booze

4. no Playboy channel

3. no titty bars

2. no pre-marital sex

and the number one reason Al-Qaeda Terrorists will commit suicide is:

1. no oral sex, ever